GLX Posted June 25, 2002 Report Posted June 25, 2002 Come on lads & ladys of the lamping world, post your jokes( no frog ones) Quote
K-Nine Posted June 26, 2002 Report Posted June 26, 2002 Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was nay functioning properly. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Q: Dr. McCoy: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an farmer !! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Mr. Data: Why is a barnyard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous ? Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Mr. Worf: For the honour of all chickens. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Counsellor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. I could sense it. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Computer: Insufficient information. Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted June 26, 2002 Report Posted June 26, 2002 A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careered out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt by scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do? "I know", said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a vision, formulate a mission statement, define some goals, and by a process of continuous improvement find a solution to the critical problems, and we can be on our way." "No, no", said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way." "Well", said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again." Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted July 3, 2002 Report Posted July 3, 2002 A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She desperately wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price !" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll be lucky and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later that day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts ....... "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted July 25, 2002 Report Posted July 25, 2002 A burglar broke into a house late one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up a CD player and was about to place it in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, then began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the video out from under the TV so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he hears the same voice say "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the far corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you just say that ?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yes" the parrot squawked " I was just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed "Warn me, huh. Who in the world are you ?" "I am Moses " replied the bird. "Moses ?" the burglar laughed "What kind of people would name their bird Moses ?" The bird replies ..... "The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus !" Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
lightnix Posted September 1, 2002 Report Posted September 1, 2002 A guy walked into a pub and asked the barmaid for a Double Entendre. So she gave him one. A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a Single Entendre. "Why ?", he asked. "Don't you want a big one ?" :mrgreen: Quote
Laubfrosch Posted September 5, 2002 Report Posted September 5, 2002 A special eastgerman one!!! :twisted: What´s the difference between russians and western germans? The russians are already gone! :wink: Quote Sven Paulsen Klangfarbe Vienna
K-Nine Posted September 11, 2002 Report Posted September 11, 2002 Q: How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb ? A: ONE... TWO... ONE...ONE ...ONE TWO....TWO ........ Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted September 25, 2002 Report Posted September 25, 2002 A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him ?" "Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth, ears, nose and mouth. Finally, after a while the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What - just because he's cross-eyed ?" said the man, horrified. "No, because he's really heavy" said the vet. Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted October 22, 2002 Report Posted October 22, 2002 The teacher gave her class an assignment to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The following day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley stood up first and said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a terrible mess." "So what's the moral of the story ?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket !" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunty Karen. Aunty Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Don't mess with my Aunty Karen when she's been drinking !! " Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted November 1, 2002 Report Posted November 1, 2002 There were 3 guys, 2 smart ones, and a dumb one and they were all going hunting one day. The first smart guy went out and came back with a huge grizzly bear. The dumb guy asked him "How did you get that huge grizzly bear?" The smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave and shot the bear." Then the second smart guy went out and came back with a huge black bear. The dumb guy asked him, "How did you get that huge black bear?" The second smart guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and shot the bear. So the dumb guy went out and came back all battered, bruised and covered in blood. The smart guys said, "What happened to you?" The dumb guy said, "I followed the tracks, went in the cave, and got hit by a train." Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted December 12, 2002 Report Posted December 12, 2002 Sir Alex Ferguson calls David Beckham into his office. 'David', he says, 'I need to talk to you about your performance against Leeds the other night, you were hopeless and completely off form.' 'Sorry boss', says David. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.' 'Oh dear' says Fergie, 'What's up ? Are Posh and the kids OK ?' 'Oh yes they're fine, it's just that something is really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my football and it's really messing me head up.' 'Whatever's the matter?' says Fergie. 'Well boss, It's pretty serious. Victoria bought this jigsaw puzzle the other day and.........' 'A JIGSAW !!' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing badly because of a jigsaw ?' 'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing me head in', says David. 'It's really hard, it's got this picture of a tiger and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure that I've got all the bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing my head in' 'David, David, David' says Fergie, 'You had better get a grip son and quick.' 'OK boss, but ... It's this picture of a tiger and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I can't do it and it's doing my head in and ... it's a tiger and it looks easy but it's really hard and er .. it's a tiger and everything ... on the box...er..... sorry boss.' 'Ok' says Sir Alex, 'Bring in the jigsaw and let's have a look shall we. It can't possibly be that difficult'. 'Thanks boss', says David. So Becks brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Fergie's office. 'Here it is boss' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box. 'Look boss, it's a tiger right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard and it's doing my head in and everything.' Becks then empties all the pieces from the box all over Fergie's desk. Sir Alex looks at what's on the desk, pauses for a second, then looks up with his head in his hands and says to Beckham ..... : : : : : : : : : : : : 'Put the Frosties back in the box David !!' Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted July 15, 2003 Report Posted July 15, 2003 A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. "He can play any musical instrument in the world." Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will bet £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up the £50. Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet owner coughs up the £50. Then Jim, a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look on its face. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae play it ?" The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it ? I'm going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off". Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted July 21, 2003 Report Posted July 21, 2003 A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before. The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently. The man couldn't restrain his curiosity any longer. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?" "I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare medical condition and whenever I sneeze, I have an duck." The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it ?" The woman looked at him and said ..... : : : : : : : : : : : "Pepper." Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted October 20, 2003 Report Posted October 20, 2003 A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. The frog says: "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." The teller looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay as he knows the bank manager. The teller explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure, no problem, I have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed. The teller is very confused, and explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny pink elephant and says "I mean, what in the world is this ? ". The bank manager looks back at her and says... wait for it ...... "It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone". Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted November 25, 2003 Report Posted November 25, 2003 Count Dracula is out on the pull in Glasgow. He spends the night drinking duck Mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks. He is heading for home, wandering along Argyle street sometime before sunrise. Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head. He looks round and sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll. Mmm, he thinks. What's going on here. A few yards further on and ........Bang ! He’s smacked on the back of the head again! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. Again he looks down and there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd! A few yards further along the street and........Crash! He’s smacked on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there is a cocktail sausage lying on the ground. He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing. He walks a few yards further on when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a pickled onion. On the ground dying, he looks up and sees an attractive young female. With his dying breath he gasps, “Who the duck are you ?” Wait for it .......... Are you ready ........... Brace yourself ........ This'll make your day ........ "Hi, I’m BUFFET, the vampire slayer !" Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
GLX Posted November 25, 2003 Author Report Posted November 25, 2003 Q. How do you know when a drummers riser is level? A. He's druling from both sides of his mouth. Quote
Yves Posted December 9, 2003 Report Posted December 9, 2003 in a plane above the ocean were one man and 150 woman. they were an houre in the air when the plain lost hight. the pilot said: "the plain is to heavy so we will throw the suitcases in the ocean" everyody aggreed, but but they still lost hight. pilot: "throw all the seats out to rescue us." it wouldent help. pilot: we still have the problem so hold on to the roof and we'll throw the floor down. after an half an houre: pilot: were still losing hight!!! people: what can we do man (with an fabulous idea): I wil jump down and save all of you AND ALL THE WOMEN CLAPT THEIR HANDS Quote
sam.henderson Posted December 18, 2003 Report Posted December 18, 2003 Some Funny, Some not so funny?!? Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Complain to the director at notes. Q: How many directors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Give a note to the stage manager to fix it! Q: How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Pull the technical director off of a set installation to deal with it. Q: How many technical directors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Call the master electrician at home to fix it. Q: How many master electricians does it take to change a light bulb? A: We don't change bulbs, only halogen lamps. It's a props problem. Q: How many props masters does it take to change a light bulb? A: Light bulb?! When did they even get a lamp? Q: How many theatre critics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: All of them - 1 to be highly critical of the design elements, 1 to express contempt for the glow of the lamp, 1 to lambast the interpretation of wattage used, 1 to critique the performance of the bulb itself, 1 to recall superb lightbulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails to measure up, and all to join in the refrain reflecting on how they could build a better light bulb in their sleep. Q: How many theatre students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Erm, what's the deadline, cos I may need an extension. Q: How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to do it, one child to cry and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB." Q: How many interns does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It doesn't matter because you'll have to do it again anyway. Q: How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 3...no, make that 4...on second thought 3... well, better make it 5 just to be safe. Q: How many assistant directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. But he/she has to check with the director first to make sure he wants the bulb there. Q: How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Why do we need another lightbulb? Q: How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I DON'T CARE!!! JUST DO IT!!! Q: How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Where's IATSE? Q: How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It's on my list...It's on my list... Q: How many IATSE guys does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, once he puts down the donut and coffee. Q: How many IATSE guys does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twenty-five and a minimum of four hours, you got a @!%#&@ problem with that? Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: LAMP! It's called a LAMP you idiot! Q: How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Where's my assistant? Q: How many technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two, if they can find a lamp big enough and figure out how to get inside it. Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Doesn't the stage manager do that? Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They can never find their light. Quote Sam for a interactive training suport program on how to use your fat frog effectivly why not look at my frog training program-
sam.henderson Posted December 18, 2003 Report Posted December 18, 2003 Most deffinetly in the eyes of a Stage Manager Producer: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God. Director: Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if the sea is calm. Talks with God. Playwright: Leaps short buildings with a running start. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God. Actor: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals. Chorus: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says "Look at the choo-choo." Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself. Stage Manager Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the track. Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. IS GOD. Quote Sam for a interactive training suport program on how to use your fat frog effectivly why not look at my frog training program-
K-Nine Posted January 22, 2004 Report Posted January 22, 2004 An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl "10 ?" says the council worker. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "Its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAYNE IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames." Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted January 22, 2004 Report Posted January 22, 2004 One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far before and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in duck and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend all eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I’d prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, but we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to duck. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends, fellow executives that she had worked with. They were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got in the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where she found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in duck and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose." The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all that, but I think I had a better time in duck." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to duck. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in stinking garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "But I don't understand," stammered the woman, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look really miserable." The Devil looked at her, smiled and said "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're staff..." Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted January 23, 2004 Report Posted January 23, 2004 Late one Saturday night a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was a cold, wet, windy evening and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were out. The silence was broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise... BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He froze to the spot, and he couldn't believe his eyes. As the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP........ BUMP........ BUMP........ He could feel the coffin gaining on him, so he started walking faster. BUMP BUMP ..... BUMP BUMP ... BUMP BUMP. The coffin was closing with every step, so he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him...... BUMP BUMP BUMP ..... BUMP BUMP BUMP .... BUMP BUMP BUMP. He started to sprint, but the coffin got faster. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ... BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ... BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP ... Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys. His hand was trembling, but he managed to open the lock. He dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase..... BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... BUMP...SCREECH...HOP... The coffin gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges. The coffin stood in the doorway for a moment, and then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came. BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... He grabbed a can of Lynx deodorant and threw it at the coffin ........still it came...... BUMP..SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it at the coffin...... still it came...... BUMP...SCREECH... BUMP...SCREECH... Finally, there was only one item left in the cabinet. He grabbed the Benylin and threw it ........ ... ... ... The coffin stopped. ! Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
K-Nine Posted January 27, 2004 Report Posted January 27, 2004 Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk: Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Transubstantiate Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk: Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you Nope, no more booze for me Sorry, but you're not really my type No kebab for me I'm not interested in arguing with you. Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing No, I won't make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate behind the nearest bush or parked car. Quote K-Nine : Technically Advanced Roving Dog In Space Bran Media | Myspace
Haytech Posted January 28, 2004 Report Posted January 28, 2004 These little things are currently very difficult to say, when you are not able to spaek english ... And what the duck is passiv agressive disorder - some kind of sickness ? Quote Sebastian H. Pro - Sound Showtechnik The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Albert Einstein "You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun" Al Capone
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