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The Essence of Being Welsh

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The essence of being Welsh....


Two guys from Wales die and wake up in duck.


The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in coats, mittens and balaclavas warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"


The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Wales, the land of wind and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."


The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.


The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in coats, mittens and balaclavas. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"


Again the two guys reply,"Well, like we told you yesterday, we're from Wales, the land of wind and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."


This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming everywhere.


He stops by the room with the two guys from Wales and finds them in t-shirts, shorts and sandals, drinking a beer and cooking a "barbie".


The devil is astonished: "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."


The two Welshmen reply, "Well, you know, we don't get too much warm weather in Wales so we've just got to have a cook-up when the weather's THIS nice."


The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in duck.


The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.


The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Welshmen. He gets there and finds them back in their coats, mittens and balaclavas. Now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!


The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"


The Welshmen look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know boyo? If duck freezes over, it must mean that Wales have won a match in the 6 nations"!!!

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In the Beginning, the Lord God Almighty turned to his best friend, The Archangel Gabriel and said, "Gabby, today I'm going to create a beautiful part of the Earth and I will call it WALES.


I will make a country of breathtaking blue lakes, rich green forests and dark beautiful mountains which from time to time will be covered in snow.


I will give it clear swift rivers that flow with salmon and trout.


The land will be lush and fertile, on which the people can raise cattle and grow their food.


Underneath the land I shall lay rich coal seams for the inhabitants to mine.


Around the coast I will make some of the most beautiful areas in the world, with white sandy beaches and cliffs that will attract all manner or wildlife and with many islands that will be like paradise to all who visit them.


The waters around Wales will be abundant with fish.


I will also give them some of the most naturally gifted rugby players in the world, and many fine singers.


The people of Wales will be the most friendly people on Earth and will be called the WELSH."


"Excuse me, sire," interrupted the Archangel Gabriel, "Don't you think you are being a bit too generous to these WELSH?"


"Don't talk rubbish", replied the lord Almighty, "Wait till you see the neighbours I'm giving them." :P

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Hi folks,


While I was touring this planet I came across this response to my previous post ... I believe from a non-Welsh person living in Wales :wink:


God must have had an off day. :evil:


The Lakes didn't exactly turn out blue did they?


Most of Wales is marginal farmland only able to support sheep and even the valleys have heavy clay soil fit only for cattle pasture, not really what you would call Eden?


I suppose the coast East of Cardiff was only a small oversight.


Still the coal held up for a while and there where fish in the sea until the Spanish trawlers turned up.


I'm not saying there are not naturally gifted rugby players in Wales but I don't know who any of them are playing for.


I'm not that sure about the singers either, Harry Secombe was a bit Welsh wasn't he ?


The Welsh people are friendly but they didn't use to be so honest.


Fortunately God sent the English in to take over the place, stop the cattle rustling etc... and give them a language the rest of the world had heard of.


There really isn't that much wrong with the Irish either :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

While helping my master sort out a problem with some nasty green slime and giant maggots in a disused coal mine in South Wales, I came across this story in a local paper ...





Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: 'How be?", "Tidy" and "Can't fault it Butt".


The earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £34 worth of damage.


Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged.


Three areas of historic and scientifically significant burnt out cars were disturbed.


Many people were woken up well before their giro arrived.


Thousands were confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the valleys.


One local resident, Sara-Angharad Davies, a 15 year old mother-of-five said, "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.


The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses.


Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Everything's a Pound.




This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it.


Clothing is most sought after . . . Fila, Baseball Caps, Kappa Tracksuit tops (His and Hers), Shell Suits (Female), White Sports Socks, Nike Air Basketball Boots and any other items usually sold in TK Maxx.


Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.


A donation of £2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four.


For only £10 we can take a family to Port Talbot for the day, where children can play on a radioactive beach in front of the national collection of Steelworks.


A mere £1.68 will pay for a return bus ticket to the countryside where they can pick magic mushrooms to feed the family.


Just 22p buys a biro for filling in a compensation claim.


Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring areas of Aberdare, Blaina and Rhymney.

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  • 7 months later...

Who says prospects aren't good in the the Rhondda !!!!


The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The

announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British

Government's "Work for the Dole" scheme and employ a team of Valley Boys.


The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on

how unemployed youths from the Rhondda Valleys were able to remove a

set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas

Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8-9 seconds with millions of

pounds worth of high tech equipment.


It was thought to be an excellent, yet bold move, by the Ferrari management.

As most races are won and lost in the pits,Ferrari would have an advantage over every team.


However....Ferrari got more than they bargained for at the crew's

first practice session. Not only were the Rhondda pit crew able to

change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had

re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle over to the MacLaren team

for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of

Coulthard's bird in the shower !

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  • 1 month later...
  • 6 months later...

Two tourists are driving through Wales.


As they are approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

they start arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.


They argue back and forth until they eventually stop for lunch.


As they stand at the counter, one tourist asks the employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us ?

Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"


The girl leans over the counter and says, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, king" :lol:

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